Shedding Materialism - my surprising response

Some of you may be wondering how it feels to get rid of everything you own.  And some of you may be thinking that sounds completely crazy.  I’ll be honest, I’ve done it before but not to this extent.  All I have left is a suitcase and backpack.  I did leave pictures and important documents with my daughter, but that’s it.  My favorite pink sweatshirt that I’ve had for 25 years (and it’s actually in good shape), one of my mom’s t-shirts (she’s passed), my favorite Christmas ornament, my copy of Hemingway’s A Moveable Feast that my grandma gave me when I was a teenager, the espresso cup I got on my first trip to Italy - all gone.  Those were the hard things to let go of, the objects that had meaning.  But in the end, it’s all just stuff.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a new lesson in living.  Everything I own in two bags.  I’m going to need to do everything online.  I journal EVERY SINGLE DAY.  That means I had a big box of journals.  I guess this can be my journal now.  I’ll apologize ahead of time for my ramblings.  I think rambling is an important part of journaling.  Getting all of those thoughts out of your head.  And no more buying books, sigh.  I’ll have to listen to them or get ebooks (which I hate).  I LOVE to hold the book in my hand and see the words, feel the page as I turn to find out what happens next.  

So how does it feel?  I’ll start with the positive - it feels really liberating.  There’s nothing weighing me down.  Nothing to worry about other than what’s right in front of me.  And everything from my “former lives” is pretty much gone.  A blank slate, which means anything can happen!  It’s exciting, the anticipation of what will come next in this life, the places I will see and the people I will meet.  I could go anywhere at a moment's notice.  I feel free.

Now for the not so positive, it’s a little scary.  But not in the way I thought it might be.  I have no anchor.  I feel untethered, ungrounded in a way.  I was very surprised when this feeling came up.  Like I said, I’ve gotten rid of many of my possessions before (aside from what I could fit in my car) and it always felt so good.  The difference might be that I have no home now.  There is no place waiting for me with all of my familiar comforting possessions when I get back from my travels.  There is no place to “go back” to.  I always thought this would feel freeing too, but it doesn’t.  I feel like my safety was attached to my home.  It looks like my next journey is to find safety within. ♥️